In the name of Allah; the entirely merciful; the especially merciful - بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَـٰنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Sunday, 29 April 2012

The return of grief: the hearing test result.

Last Thursday, I was looking forward to Mujhee's hearing test with positive results. All the time, I was thinking that the result would prove that Mujhee can hear. I was so excited when the audiologist told me that there is a new machine that can test Muhee's hearing. The three weeks wait for the appointment seemed so long for me. I was so impatient and hoping she got the test on that same day.

Sleeping during the hearing test
at Australian Hearing.
I found myself revisiting my grief as the audiologist broke the news about Mujhee's hearing test. Like her vision there is nothing wrong with her ears, but the brain that process her hearing and vision. As my tears filled over, I hated that very moment. I hated that and I bitterly wept. How could I forget the answer that the senior pediatrician gave me, seven years ago, saying that there is no cure for brain damage when I asked him what the cure for it is?

It hit me again, but this time it hit me much harder than before because now I realised the extent of her disability. She has Cerebral Palsy, a motor disorder which cause problems in controlling and coordinating movement due to the brain damaged during birth. She also has dual sensory impairment, blindness and deafness. The reality that she could not see and hear, walk and talk make my heart become empty again just like the heart of Prophet Musa's mother when she learnt that her son was in the hand of Firaun's household, their enemy. And the heart of the mother of Musa (Moses) became empty [from every thought, except the thought of Musa (Moses)]. She was very near to disclose his (case, i.e. the child is her son), had We not strengthened her heart (with Faith), so that she might remain as one of the believers. Quran 28:10) For me, Allah is testing my patience, submission, and strength of character. Only He can give me strength to get over all of this. Lahaula wala quwwata illa billah.

Alhamdulillah, when I remember Allah, He lifted my fear and grief. Subhana Allah! I still grieve but only through my prayer by asking Him for help to get me through this difficult time. Indeed He has spoken truth when He reveal his words in the Quran that, Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. (Quran 13:28)

It made me realized that it is He who has given everything we have. They are not really ours to begin with. He is the true Owner. At anytime He will take them back because at time being He has just lent them to us for a short time anyway. So it is not our place to be upset when the Owner is claiming his belongings back.

If you think about the meaning of Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajiun, which has been taught to us to say at the time of difficulty. It is trully make you submit to the will of Allah with an open heart . We will test you with a certain amount of fear and hunger, and loss of wealth, life, and fruits. But give good news to the steadfast. (Quran 2:155) 

So what is the good news? Insha Allah, I'll write about it in the next post.

1 comment:

Andrew Sutton said...

Mujhee's good news (not new)is that she has you for her mother.

Andrew.