It was an Arafah day and Mujhee had a surgery at PMH. The plan was for Mujhee to have dental work in the afternoon for an hour and a bit, under anaesthetic, then we can go home later that afternoon.
Earlier that day, T, my daughter woke me up early for sahoor because we were going to fast. While I ate my sahoor, a pre-dawn meal, I remember the Fajr time when I was at Mina, the morning before we went to Arafah, almost 10 years ago. That when my Hajj roommate was suddenly short of breath. I remember we sat together for breakfast after Fajr. She looked happy. We were all excited because we were heading to Arafah that day. The standing of Arafah is the highlight of Hajj. Before she was taken to the medical team, one of the sisters in our group gave her zam-zam water and whispered the shahadah to her. Outside our tent, I tried to calm her daughter down while she was taken to the medical team in Mina. Then, I heard the news that she passed away in her ihram while saying her talbiyah. Allahu Akbar!! She was in such beautiful state to pass away. O! Allah! Have mercy on her and give all of us a good end, aameen.
I treasure one of the mornings at Madinah, in our hotel room, three days earlier, my roommate told me how someone just came to see her and told her not to be sad or worried. I was with her the whole time and didn't see anyone enter our room. I had a feeling that she was visited by angels, but I only kept it to myself. Allah knows best!!
After T and I finished our breakfast, we made wudhu and prayed Fajr. Then I read few ayahs from the Quran. Quran at Fajr is witnessed by the angels. I fed Mujhee milk at 7 am. That was the last meal she has before surgery. She was sleeping when I fed her. She kept her milk and no reflux after the feeding, Alhamdulillah. A couple of days before the surgery, we got called from PMH informing us of her admission time and last food and fluid time before she is to go under general anaesthesia so that she is not able to feel any pain while the dentists do dental work on her.
At 10 am I got her ready and transferred her from her bed into her wheelchair. Then I called our regular taxi driver to get us at 11:00 am. Before going up to the day surgery ward I stopped by at the pharmacy to drop Mujhee prescriptions for her seizure, reflux and drooling. I planned to pick up the medicines later, while she was at the theatre.
After I leave Mujhee's medical file that I received from the admission at the reception, I took one of the seats near the TV. The ward was full and packed.
I recall my day at Arafah again, at noon. Exactly the time my husband and I arrived there. On the bus from Mina to Arafah, we repeatedly said the talbiyah, "Here we come, Allah! Here we come. Here we come to serve You. Here we come.". We had been waiting for a bus to take us since the morning after my hajj roommate passed away. We were worried we wouldn't get there because it was already almost noon. As we entered the land of Arafah, we heard beautiful Zuhr azan, a call to noon prayer. I told my husband that we were invited to this place so of course, we get there just in time. Subhana Allah!!! It was such an overwhelming feeling to be there at Arafah because it is a day of forgiveness and freedom from the fire, the Jahannam.
Around noon, not long after sitting in the waiting room, an anesthetic doctor came and asked me about Mujhee's anaesthesia history. After that, a dentist came and explained to me what work had to be done. The plan was to take all her baby teeth out, and clean, filling and crown the needed teeth. The gum will also be trimmed and stitched where needed.
Right after that, the nurse came and showed us Mujhee's bed. She was still sleeping. She didn't sleep well last night because she was nervous about going to the hospital. The night before I told her about the hospital and the dental work. The nurse did a pre-medical check and weighed her before transferring her to the bed. After she was on the bed, a nurse came to change her into a hospital dress and gave her medicine to calm her down.
Around 2:30 pm I walked beside her bed to the theatre. She was half asleep. Prior the gas put on her nose, I whisper, " I love you" to her ear and a shahadah. Even though I have done this many time, I felt difficult to leave her. There were many uneasy feelings but I quickly put my trust in Allah for the good outcome.
I went straight to the hospital prayer room. When I did my wudhu I found out that my fast was nullified due to my monthly period. I went to the cafeteria to break my fast. While I was eating a senior dentist called me. Well, he told me that the x-ray of Mujhee's teeth shown that there will be no space for her adult canines to come out. So he suggested to take them out and then stitch the gum back. I thought while she is under anaesthesia, it was a great idea to do it so I agreed. Suddenly, I worried about Mujhee. I thought poor Mujhee, more procedure that she has to go through.
At that moment I remember Allah and made dua for her. Then I remember that very afternoon when I was in a tent of Arafah, 10 years ago. I got sick right after I entered the tent, very suddenly. I felt really weak and I laid my head on my backpack on the ground of the tent. I had no energy at all. In my mind, I said to myself, "It was no harm to be sick. It will be a purification of sins if Allah wills". I remember I was continuously saying istighfar, talbiyah, azkar and making a lot of duas. Alhamdulillah, even though I was weak, I managed to pray Zuhr and Asr together. SubhanAllah, toward the end hours of Arafah day I experienced what I called a "miracle", an unusual sensation. I suddenly sensed like there was a strong vibe that made me stand up and the only speech that came from my mouth was my conversation with Allah and pleading before Him, like there were no barrier between Him and I. I was affected by the amazing feeling of so closely standing before Him in Arafah, until the day ended by the azan of Maghrib, a call of prayer after sunset. I was so hoping that that day I was among those that caused Allah to be proud of Himself in front of His angels. Allahumma Ameen!!! May Allah forgive me and free me from the Fire. Ameen.
Mujhee came out of the theatre around 5 pm. She was taken to the ward right after that. She was still sleeping because she was on a medication to keep her comfortable. We were supposed to go home at 6:30 but at that time her heart rate, blood pressure and temperature decreased. Due to her condition, the doctor suggested staying at the hospital for an overnight observation. Alhamdulillah. Allah's plans are better. This was my second times staying in hospital on Eid day. The first one when I delivered my youngest baby, 8 years ago. Please don't be a third staying!
Meanwhile, at the ward, the nurse put a heat blanket on her. Alhamdulillah her temperature got better before I went to bed. I slept on the empty bed, next to Mujhee's bed that night. Tomorrow is Eid al Adha, the day Muslims commemorate the trial and triumph of Prophet Ibrahim who was prepared to fulfil his obedience to Allah with his son Prophet Ismail. If I was at home at this time, the night before Eid, I would be busy cooking meals for Eid, which is the next day. Here at the ward, I busied myself with takbeer, the glorifying of Allah. Alhamdulillah, it was soothing to my ears and I was calm even though Mujhee's condition was worrying me.
I remembered my overnight stay in an open land of Muzdalifah. Soon after Maghrib Azan, we left Arafah to Muzdalifah where my husband and I slept that night. We slept on the hard ground inside our sleeping bags and above us was a wonderful night sky filled with beautiful stars. That night was my first time sleeping under bright stars. It was a beautiful night, Masha Allah. Somehow I felt more peace than any other time during the Hajj. That night, it made me think about how venerable humans can be when facing death. It was a bit cooler at midnight before I fell asleep after we picked up some pebbles for tomorrow's ritual at Mina.
At the hospital, when I woke up the next day, on the day of sacrifice, loneliness touched me. If I was back at home, I would be with my family and our Muslim community doing an Eid prayer at that moment. Mujhee was still in deep sleep and didn't look like she was going to be awake sooner. I didn't blame her because the night before she was nervous about going to the hospital and didn't sleep well. Then, a combination of anaesthetic and pain relief medicines, post surgery just knocked her down.
I looked back to when I was doing my Hajj ten years ago. On Eid morning, the sacrifice day, I woke up next to my husband in Muzdalifah. That day we were among 3 million other Muslims walking in the highways full of humans going to do jamarat in Mina, a ritual of throwing of pebbles at shaytan. With all my might I threw the pebbles with words of "Allahu Akbar", meaning Allah is Greater. When I said "He is Greater", I tossed my entire world behind me and sought refuge in His mercy. In my conscience, it felt like I successfully got rid of the shaytan temptation in life my this far and hopefully until the day I die. After we received the news that our animals had been slaughtered, I cut a bit of my hair to come out of ihram. Alhamdulillah, I had mixed feelings at that time like my feeling before leaving for Hajj. But most of all I knew that I was really grateful for fulfilling all the 5 pillars of Islam when my Hajj completed. May Allah accept our Hajj and sacrifice! Ameen.
It was not until the noon of the next day when Mujhee woke up, but by seizure activities. I knew this could happen. This is how she reacts to pain. For an hour she crunched her teeth and continued chewing. I was so worried that she was going to hurt her gum and teeth. The doctor still didn't give her medication to stop the seizure even though her seizure was more than 5 minutes. We waited so long for her to wake up but giving the medication would just put her back to sleep right away. It didn't make sense at all, but that was the best thing we could do. We needed to treat her condition. She was given a dose of midazolam only when her medical team realised that she needed the medication to stop her seizure. The seizure stopped but she went back to sleep. That afternoon Mujhee's medical team let us go home to celebrate Eid with the rest of our family after consultation with the senior paediatric.
My life is a great challenge for Mujhee. An hour's dentist appointment for any of your child took us more than a day. But through this experience, Allah has made the remembrance of Him easy for me, Allahu Akbar!.
Until next post, may Allah bless you.
Love,
Lightnur xox.
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