I'm wondering why I have feelings of uneasiness that something undesirable will happen every time Mujhee is scheduled for a surgery. For that I am afraid to send her to surgery and I end up delaying her surgery. I am always nervous, with the thought of losing her. The thought constantly occupies my mind. I worry if it will be her last breath and she will never wake up again.
From memory, Mujhee was under the first anaesthesia when she had her ear surgery done for glue ear. This surgery was to clear the fluid in her middle ears. Alhamdulillah there we no need for grommets insertion in her ears. I don't have any post in Lightnur blog for this procedure because I wasn't blogging at that time. She must have been about one year old. After that she was referred to the Audiologist at Australia Hearing by the ENT from PMH. Two weeks after Mujhee was born, a hearing test confirmed that she has moderate hearing loss. Allahu Akbar, that news and few other devastated me. Alhamdulillah, now she is using hearing aids to help her hear well. I think Mujhee can hear better than she can see.
There was only one time, alhamdulillah, when Mujhee was under anaesthesia for Botox injections (April 2008). I remember how she screamed after this procedure. Usually Midazolam was given to her for sedation, to keep her calm during the procedure. Alhamdulillah she was fine with it. The other day when I attended Mujhee's hip surveillance clinic her paediatrician mentions about anaesthesia for Botox, but I insist her that she is fine with Midazolam. I am just afraid for its side effect.
After that, Mujhee has gone through, three more devastating surgeries. On May 2009, she was under anaesthesia for a surgery to put a feeding tube on her tummy. Mujhee had a severe side effect of nausea, vomiting and dry mouth and had to be hospitalised for 8 uncomfortable days which was more than her scheduled period of 3 days. Alhamdulillah, after this surgery I suddenly see Mujhee's beautiful cheek without the tube dangling down. I find Mujhee's muscles are relaxed and her extension is reduced. And she stopped moving her head towards the nasogastric tube on her cheek.
The next surgery was to lengthen her hip adductors, hip flexors and hamstrings (knee flexors) which were done on October 2009. I told the doctor about how bad she reacts to anaesthesia, but then the post-surgery for this time was the worst. She was under a lot of pain and that triggered her spasm and seizures. The post about the pre-operative meeting is here
The last time she was under anaesthesia was when she had a surgery to remove her swollen tonsils that block her airways which made it difficult for her to sleep and have sleep apnea. This surgery was done on October 2010. Alhamdulillah, in this surgery, she recovered faster than I thought. Suddenly I find that Mujhee is so quiet without loud breathing.
Alhamdulillah, I realise how weak I am; I required a full submission to the will of Allah. When you are weak and vulnerable, the syaitan often snick onto your thought with bad whisper to your chest. When you remember Allah they ran away, but come back after you don't remember Him. We have to be careful with the whisper of syaitan.
I overcome this by doing a lot of remembrance of Allah. Have to say that I also take homeopathic remedy to calm me down during this time. Of course, I concerned more during the surgery but the best thing to do at this time is to put a complete trust in Allah and say lot of du'a, begging Him for what is good. Remember He is Your Rabb that able to grant your wishes. I always bring a copy of Al Qur'an so that I could read it while in the hospital.
The other thing to do is patience. Lack of patience, will fill the mind with bad thought. When that happen you wasting your time with unnecessary thinking. In the Quran, Allah swear by the time, that human is in loss, because the time is wasted with unnessaccery thought especially negative or bad one.
The most devastating time for me is post-surgery, the fact that Mujhee has to be put up with the side effects and pain. Thinking about what her reaction will be during her recovery from surgery also worries me, but then the best option is to put your trust in Allah. Only Allah knows and you don't know, so don't waste your time with your own predictions, astaghfirullah. Why worry about something you have no control over? This is not an easy path but be perseverance and insha Allah, He will be with you with the strength that you need.
I ask our Rabb, to grant us and Mujhee good health and keep her away from any major surgery, ameen.
Insha Allah, I hope the link here would help with the Anaesthesia - Frequently Asked Questions.